Up all night; sleep all day

Ok, not exactly. Holden is still pretty good about sleeping at night compared to the horror stories you hear. But, he does get up about every 3-4 hours and cry. Sometimes just because he misses us, I think. So sometimes we find ourselves caving under the fatigue and bringing him into our room to sleep on our chests. He is immediately calmed that way. In fact, he is sleeping on my chest now. It is a hard balance because we don't want him only sleeping on our chests...but think he should be ok since he does sleep just fine in car seat, bouncer, swing, bjorn. Speaking of Bjorn, Chris totes him around in that thing all the time. Even if we are just hanging out at home. He says that it is his own private time with him, since I got 9 months of it. He equates the front hanging weight of the baby as what it must have been like for me to cart him in my body. Well yes, if you slap on the backaches, lack of comfortable sleep, and constant urination toward the end.

It is weird though, I do find myself missing some of the things about being pregnant, though rarely. It is more like a nostalgia for how quickly time is passing. The pregnancy has passed, Holden's first days have passed, his original due date has passed. He is almost 2 weeks old now! I find myself trying hard to grip onto every detail of this time. It is a trying time for sure...what with the lack of routine and trying to establish every bit we can. Fatigue, worry. But it is also a beautiful time. My world has grown both infinitely smaller and infinitely bigger all at once. Smaller, in that we spend a lot of time at home (though we get out once a day it is our rule) and do not go out and have fancyfree time. Bigger, in that this little world that we have created, where we take stroller walks down to the park and hug on the bench while watching Holden sleep, where we cuddle up on the couch when the baby is sleeping, where, like now, I have the baby sleeping on my chest and Chris sleeping curled up next to my side, is just so much more meaningful and larger and beautiful and textured than anything I have ever witnessed or experienced. Our little family is finding its way and we spend much more time laughing and crying at how gorgeous our life and child is than we do complaining about being tired (though that does happen!). We look out for each other. Chris makes sure that I eat and we take little trips, even if they are small, to just re-engage with the world.

For instance, for Mother's Day we went down to the Laguna Gloria park and put Holden in the Bjorn and looked at the peacocks and held hands looking out at the lake. We even stopped and had dinner at a Mexican Restaurant overlooking the hills and I got a margarita. The baby got formula and then spit up on Chris's shirt (second time Chris got nailed, first was urine at the doctor's office).

The tapestry of the world is different now. Where before everything I had seen in Austin was something I'd seen before, it now takes on an entirely different shape. Our little man is in the world, growing and thriving and screaming and making funny faces at us....wanting nothing but food and love. Holden rewarded me for being such a good Mommy by leaving me a balloon, card, and beautiful blue necklace in his crib for me to find on Mother's Day! I love my boys. I love saying "How are my boys doing?" Chris and I must be insane because through the fog of the fatigue we find ourselves staring at our child and pondering when we might have a sibling for him, such is the great joy and contentment he brings to us.

In big news around these parts...Holden's belly button fell off last night! It was gross but we took a picture of it (we are gross though, Chris asked me if I wanted a picture of my placenta after delivery and I said yes, how could I not be curious). We will save those for our own personal files as I am sure you are glad. Holden is also better about nursing now. It is not such a battle.

However, we did talk to the pediatrician today (we had been worried about his congestion but he is fine) and he actually encourages his patients to supplement with formula. He said there is no proven huge difference between a supplemented baby (or even one fully formula fed) and that of one exclusively breast fed, but there is a huge proven difference in the fatigue level of a mother who is exclusively breastfeeding (up every 2 hours) vs one who supplements. This made me feel better because there is so much dogma around exclusively breastfeeding (not from those close to me thank goodness) that I was feeling guilty about giving him any formula at all. But our pediatrician is a lot like us and laid back and considering both the baby's wellbeing as well as the parent's wellbeing. He definitely would not be right for everyone. Works for us though! We give Holden formula at night and he does sleep longer with it. We also take some formula with us when we go out. I like that the formula is forified with iron and DHA which is lacking in the breast milk. Though for sure I am not going to say that formula feeding is superior, because it isn't. But I like the system we are settling into and happy that we are getting some routine going. Chris is happy that we are supplementing because it has allowed him a lot more bonding time with the baby during feedings. Works for me (catching more z's).

Other big news is that Holden's penis is fully healed so we no longer have to dab Vaseline and gauze over his circumcision site, AND he's gained a ton of weight! Exactly a week ago he was 7 lbs 5 oz, now he is 7 lbs, 12 oz. He's thriving!

Grandma McAloon sent us pics from Holden's first few days on this rock...I love them:


About 5 mins after giving birth...exhausted but happy


Coming out of a vagina is tough business.



Mom feeds baby


The boys!


Nurse Mom


Holden loves to hold hands:)



Loving Grandpa


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Dad feeds baby


The girls!

And some randoms:

Chris dances with Holden


First stroller ride! Grandparents McAloon bought Holden a "Keep Austin Weird" bumper sticker, which we stuck to the back of his stroller. We plan to add more political/social statements to it as we go. He is an impassioned feller.


Ok I gotta shake this little guy awake!

Mommy