Rowan

Noodle,

So I had a wonderful day today as you might know, since you were there! Started off to a bit of a bumpy start, as I got my blood drawn...but I was brave once again and your Dad was there with me holding my hand. Afterwards your Auntie Tammany came over and treated me to yummy taco lunch. We talked about you and life and the future. You are coming into a world in which so many people already love you so very much and right now you don't even have eyes or feet! I can't express what great appreciation and astonishment I have for the people I love and who love me and you and Chris. We are very lucky.

After lunch we got our short toenails painted in French style, and our feet felt like glowing orbs of goodness propelling us onward and out. Then Uncle Andrew and I got some used movies and Daddy came home and we watched "Knocked Up" while eating steak calzone. He ever brought me coffee ice cream and m&ms as I had a random craving for it (though it passed and remains untouched in the freezer). I have to say I was already the type to get emotional in movies in which babies are born at the climatic moment; but I was super emotional today watching it because that is going to be a reality in less than a year. As I told Daddy today, "the baby is going to be matter: it is going to have mass and take up space." I think he was proud of my science knowledge. :)

So, Chris has a headache and is asleep beside me as I type this. Before we went to bed we again talked about your name if you are a boy. We both like Jonah but think we can do better. So I went to a baby name generator in which you put in your middle and last name and it randomly gives you options. Well, Rowan came up and I have LOVED LOVED LOVED that name for years and years (OK I will admit it, I first heard it in 2003 when Brooke Shields named her daughter that and fell in love with it despite typically hating celebrity baby names!) But I remembered when Chris and I first discussed the kid's names we liked back in 2006 and I had mentioned Rowan and he was tepid about it so I just put it to the wayside and agreed on Jonah. Well today he was like "Oh I really like that name; there was a King Rowan in a fantasy book I loved as a kid!" So we looked it up and the Rowan Tree has all sorts of mystical associations with magic and pagans and wizards. Also, I think I might remember a conversation I had with my sister back when Chris and I first met. She said that she had had a dream that I had had a baby boy named Rowan. And I was so excited because I loved the name! So it seems sort of eerily predestined. It is a lot different from Jonah, which is neat and all but has so much of a biblical history that it made us both a little uncomfortable. Plus is it an Irish name which matches my Irish dancing feet. So I think we have officially changed your name (if you are a boy), to Rowan. We think it is equal parts nerd and equal parts badass magician. Hope you like it.

Oh oh oh: I just ran a Gmail search and found a few references to "Rowan" I had made in the past!

Chat with Chris, 6/2006:I love the names Rainey, Rowan, and Rory!!!
To Chris's mom the first time we talked about names we liked on 8/16/06:
I'm a fan of R names, like Rainey, Rory, Reagen, Rowan

11/25/06
Courtney: I had a dream about you giving birth to a baby boy (that you named Rowan) this past Monday. I was sad because you hadn't told me you were pregnant until you called me to the hospital to tell me you were delivering a baby. Rowan came out and was gorgeous. He had black hair and ice blue eyes and even though he was a newborn, he studied our faces like a grown man.

Kelly: While i LOVE the name Rowan, our baby is definitely going to have blonde hair and blue eyes. i mean i guess there could be a recessive gene in there from mom. but i have green eye and blone-ish hair, chris parents both have huge blue eyes and blue hair and same goes for chris. but who knows right?

haha. like the "blue hair" typo? I meant blonde! Maybe you will have dark hair at birth? Creepy but cool! As you can see I have always been obsessed with names! You should have seen me with the cats...it took me days of obsessing to name them. Yes, I'm a word nerd. See the boy name has always been Rowan, it just took your Dad a while to figure that out. Hopefully this one sticks and we don't change our minds! I think it has a fighting chance...Kisses and goodnight.

Raindrops keep falling on my head

Hi Nood,

This first part of the email I wrote yesterday but didn't post until now:

Today marks the official day of my "missed period." You are so full of joie de vie that you showed up much earlier than most babies on preggo tests. I can already tell you're going to be a handful.

So I had my second class today. I did not anticipate the excess traffic that comes with all the students being back for school and therefore was 20 mins late. My teacher, who seems nice enough, gave me a surly look as a skulked into the room. This class has to do with research methods and could actually be interesting for a nerd such as myself. When I came in she told me to tell everyone about myself. I was still panting from hiking you and I up the huge hill that leads from the parking lot to the building, and said a generic response about it being my first full semester, and blah blah. It crossed my mind to blurt out that I just found out I'm knocked up, but I managed to control myself. Would have been amusing though. When I left class it started raining this massive, plump raindrops. I love that kind. I even like being in the rain...but I was rushing as fast as I could in my flip-flops when it started downpouring and nearly tripped a couple of times. Sorry about that. There were all these college kids running around and this one young woman on a bike wearing a tiny bikini streamed across the traffic. She reminded me of a mermaid coming from the sea with the rain pouring down and her long hair. I will post some pictures of the rain later, Chris drove away with camera in car, grrrr.

So the 'astronomy picture of the day' looks like what I'd imagine to be going on inside my womb:

Hotdog diaries

Noodle,

So class was really far away. Round Rock which is like over the river and through the woods. My teacher was incredibly chatty but very nice, intelligent and passionate. I have to give two presentations, scary! The first one will be around the time that we finish the first trimester of your gestation. So I should be invigorated with happiness about that.

On the way home I stopped at this store you will most likely be taken to many times with me: Target. It is an Achilles heel. I am not a big shopper but I always somehow spend tons of money on things I don't need at Target: like a hotdog costume for Miette. The only toy she has ever played with has been a squeaky hotdog the same size and color as her. I have seen pictures of hotdog costumes but never seen one in person. Well now I own one. I also purchased an itty bitty Winnie the Pooh pajamas for ages 0-6 months. I don't see how a person can be 0 months, but whatever. I know it is "bad luck" and all to buy things for the baby before the first trimester, but I needed some physical manifestation of you as right now you are so conceptual, like angels or Big Foot. I can't wait until the sonogram! The outfit has little etchings of Pooh eating honey and it says "Honey for a Bear" and "Yum Yum Honey." It comes with a little hat as well. Which in a way freaked me out because it reminds me of baby heads and how they roll about and the soft spot and how fragile they are. The end of the arms have this sewn-on bear mittens that I suppose keeps you from grabbing things or scratching yourself? Seems a little weird but I guess there is a good reason and I'm sure to find out what that reason is. I also finally acquired my strawberries! I have been craving them and normally hate strawberries so we will see where that road leads.

Pics:












Ok I know Sprout and his cross-eyes weren't relevant to this blog but I couldn't help it.

A+

Noodle,

So the doctor called today and said that my blood work was "good and appropriate." This is doctor speak for "your baby is kicking ass!!!" I was so happy to hear that, as I am a worrywart and consider every possible misfortune that can usurp this little throne of happiness. So I am getting re-tested on Friday and as long as you are still thriving my worries can be abated a bit.

Today when I brushed my teeth the toothpaste reminded me of an old boot. It wasn't really horrible, per say, more curious. I am starting the fall semester today. I am very excited. Maybe you will hear all the information through my tummy and absorb it and come out an advertising tycoon. I already know you are going to be brilliant...I can feel how smartly you are dividing and conquering in there. I currently have a 4.0 GPA. Granted that is based on my one summer class but still, pretty cool. Let's try to keep the tummy sickness to at most a slow roll, no tearing out of class holding my mouth would be fantastic!

So yesterday I had forgotten to mention that after the nurse came in saying "congratulations" and handed us our welcome packet and left (at the beginning of the appointment after checking urine analysis), your daddy wondered over to me with this goofy grin that has been cemented to his face since Friday. He leaned into me and whispered "I am going to take care of you." It was the exactly most wonderful thing he could have said, and he said it with tears in his eyes. Now I won't say this is the first time that he has teared up since we found out about you and I am sure it will be not be the last. But it is important to know that this is a good thing. If you end up being a boy then you should know that it is usually the strongest men that cry, and if you are a girl, you should know that men who will cry in front of you are typically keepers. That is not an absolute by any means, but nothing really is. Except unconditional love, which is what we have for you, darling.

So this leads me into things that you should know about your Dad:

1) He is a Texan, like you! Once in a moment of intoxication with a few buddies he went out and got a star tattoo that says "Texas" on it. Now this is typically a bad thing. However, as you will come to know, your Dad manages to pull off things other people couldn't. He got it on his upper arm on the inside soft part of the flesh. This was probably the only place that a tattoo saying Texas could seem artistic, and it says a lot. By the way, I joke with him about you coming out with a little Texas tattoo on your arm. That being said, he is not a die-hard or even loyal Texan, and is certainly not of a conservative leaning.

2) Your Dad is an artiste! When he draws he gets into these modes where everything seems to slip away. I remember his mother showing me artwork of his from high school, and one in particular that caught my eye was this space scene with a tiny floating astronaut. I mean itty bitty, like you. But it was the most detailed and lined and beautiful astronaut I had ever seen. I had no idea how he could have the patience and the coordination to get such detail. He has drawn me many times since. We have a tradition that at karaoke we draw each other on napkins. His are great, mine are um impressionistic. He appreciates mine and says they are good though. :)

3) Chris is an excellent writer and this was the first way I bonded with him. He had written to me about how elephants mourn their dead because I had written about how human beings amaze me because they are the only creatures that grieve the dead. He is a super scientist, with a biology degree from Vanderbilt, but he can write like nobody's bizness. I love the versatility. He also loves to read but he needs to get better about finishing the books he's reading, even if they are boring.

4) He is athletic! Daddy is a fantastic soccer player and though he hasn't been to many games in the past year because of work, he's still got these strong legs and bubble butt that are astonishing! Hehe.

5) He is a mix of German and Polish so you are going to be pretty European and white. Wear your sunscreen. Both of us have light brown hair and were blondes growing up. My hair was so blonde it was white! So we are guessing that you will have blonde hair and blue eyes (mine are green and your dad's are a light, beautiful blue).

6) He is patient, loyal, and he perseveres. He has accepted me for my faults and positives equally, and he has never given up on me, not once. Family means the world to him and while some men will chase money or women or fame, he has always been the man chasing contentment and the right people to share it with. He will take his time with you and he will be there for you and he will love you until you burst into confetti. I promise.

Now for a random picture of the day:



This is a picture of my school from the view of the library. The people down below are scurrying from the rain.

And we're off...

Nood,

So I didn't get to see you today. :( They said that you are too tiny to see at this point and gave me an appointment for a sonogram on September 12th. Boo. But the good news is that you do indeed exist (thanks to "clean catch urine" analysis), I love our doctor, I was brave during the blood test, and your father has been a huge help with taking notes and carrying all my stuff. Hehe. So the doctor took all our medical information, talked to us like people, and discussed the failing institution of today's medical insurance companies. It was great! We tested to see how much HCG you are pumping out into my bloodstream, and we are re-testing on Friday to make sure it is doubled and you are growing like you are supposed to be. This is your first test, little one, let's study hard.

And so you truly know what nerds your folks are, here are some pics we took on our first trip out to the doc:



This was on the garage level and indicates to which floor you should go in order to find your respective doctor. A man held the elevator for us until he realized what was happening, then he smiled and went up.


The door and our reflections. Hehe.



Me after the appointment is over...I hate needles so you know that I must love you!

So I have to say that while the realization that you exist has not entirely hit home, I am slowly coming to said awareness. I'd describe it as akin to having Miette in my shirt when she's sleeping, oddly enough. The times I notice you the most are when I am listening to music. It appears that you maintain an aural palate much different from mine. For instance, at Boston Market today I was totally rocking out to this soul/blues song and typically I wouldn't even notice that type of music. When there was similar music on NPR in Chris's car the other day I also rocked. Furthermore, while driving to the appointment, "The Dark Side of the Moon" came on and although I was never the type to get all funky while watching "The Wizard of Oz" to the "Dark Side of the Moon," I was all sorts of funky space psychedelic when it came on the radio. In fact I thought I was in a spaceship orbiting Mars, maaaaan.

Ok no, but I did put my hand up to the window. The sun rays were streaming through and warming the glass. As you will find out palms are not entirely flat and there are groves and mounds and lines and things. So not all of my palm was feeling the warmth of glass so I kept turning it in an attempt to warm the entire surface. I imagined after some time that this might be what being inside my belly is like. Whenever the time is right for you to grow your eyes and limbs I envision you seeing a reflection of the sun through my tummy, maybe even just in your dreams, and placing your hand against the warm dome of your underwater home in wonder and anticipation.

Hello, how do you do?

Dear Noodle,

Yes I have taken to calling you that until we find out if you are a girl or boy (a grueling 14-18 weeks to go). The good news is that Daddy and I finally agreed on a name if you are a boy: Jonah. We had thought of that name a while back but it had gotten lost along the way. Jonah was swallowed by a whale...which is not dissimilar to your floating in my bloated belly at the moment.

Tomorrow is our first doctor's appointment. In a little over 12 hours there is a good chance that we will see you for the first time. You won't look like anything more than a little bean, but it's a legume we are excited to see. Right now your father and I are settling down to a chicken pasta dinner. The cats are outside terrorizing bugs after their daily "can." And Miette is stripping for food. Business as usual. I was thinking that in order for you to have a better idea about who these "parents" of yours are, you might like to learn little snippets about us:

Kelly:
1) Name is Irish"warrior woman" and I wear it well.

2) Grew up in a tiny town in Florida called Ozona, on December 5th, 1979 at 9.33 am. I was born with my eyes open. FL was an incredible place to grow up, the ocean was in our backyard (actually I think it's a "pass" but whatevs), and there is a wonderful humid sense of danger in FL. I can't really put my finger on what it is but maybe it is how teeming with life the environment is. While danger is to be avoided at all cost, sometimes the illusion of danger, like a roller coaster, can be quite satisfying. I caught lizards in the backyard and sometimes would imagine they watched my spectacular array of dives into the pool.

3) I've traveled to many places in the US, to Mexico, Virgin Islands, Canada, and England, and have lived in WA, GA, FL and TX. I never ever would have thought that I'd live in Texas but I am so glad that I moved here, met your dad, and decided to go back to school for something I love. It is our dream to eventually buy a house in NC- the most beautiful place in the world.

4) One of my greatest loves is writing and I like to think I do it well. I also like to sing and your dad and I are in a little makeshift band. Ask you father for karaoke stories one day and see what he says! I am sure we will sing and dance for you many a sleepless night.

5) You are entering into two wonderful families. My parents, sister and brother are going to adore you. My sister actually has three kids of her own, so you will have cousins! They live in FL. Chris's parents live in New Mexico (not to be confused with Old Mexico, mind you), and they are going to spoil you rotten. He has half siblings in TX and NY.

6) I love animals nearly as much as I do writing. And we currently have two cats, one dog and two fish. You will never ever be starved of the joys of playing with animals.

7) Your dad and I are big readers and we always have a book that we read to each other each night before bed. We tend to gravitate toward horror novels for some odd reason, and our favorite author in this genre is Dan Simmons. If you are a horror buff like your mom or a sci fi nerd like your dad Dan has got you covered. One super bonus is that Chris does the voices! In our current book there is a Romanian feller and he does an incredible Transylvanian lilt.

For some background, here are some pictures to acclimate you to what you're getting yourself into:


Sprout and Onion. They love each other so.


Your big sister, Miette. She has conflicting feelings about being usurped once again (she once was the only child of the family before the cats and fish) but she is excited to watch over and guard you with all her chihuahua ferocity!


Like the animals above, I do love to dream! I've been dreaming of you so much!


Your Dad can look so vulnerable and lovely! Here he was most likely vulnerable because he spending too much again on fondue for me- the fondue monster.


Ok so it is getting late and we have our big day tomorrow. I will tell you about your dad tomorrow. I hope I get to see you! Warm belly wishes and bubbles of love,

Mom

To you, mysterious pillager

Dear Maya or _____,

I'm not complaining, but my brain appears to have turned to cotton candy. I understand that you have quite the task, what with nestling into your home and setting up shop- and I certainly encourage you to do what you gotta do- but could you maybe ease me into this whole thing a bit?

Case in point, today I was at Barnes and Noble. I was with your Uncle Andrew and we were looking through names if you happen to sprout (BTW, ((do you know abbreviated code yet, youngin'?)), that is the name of one of your fur siblings!) a penis instead of a vagina. Daddy (Chris) and I (Kelly) have your name all picked out if you are a girl, Ms. Maya Papaya, but the boy name has caused arguments, earthquakes, and near fatalities in its wake. So for convenience sake, let's grow those labia shall we? So yes, I was in Barnes and Noble and I was purchasing Daddy a book on how to handle me when I get all psychotic from all those hormones you are pumping into my bloodstream, and while walking to the counter in a dizzy psychedelic haze, I swear that I heard the cashier ask me if I was a Barnes and Noble Rewards Member. Well Chris is a new member and specifically had instructed me to take Rewards card on all my journeys to the monolithic book store down the street. As this was an impromptu visit, I was unprepared and thus did not have my card on hand. So, as I'm walking to the register I inform the cashier that I did not have my card and could I use my phone number? He looked strangely at me at which point I realized that he was not talking to me, and instead the queries had come from the post juxtaposed to his left. I felt a bit of chagrin, but as you will come to know, I do not embarrass easily and besides he quickly noted the books I was purchasing and said, "Oh I see now." Then he goes on to spins his yarns about the preggos who hobble into his store, stoned on the vapors of their own body, and say and do the darndest things! It was my first and I sure not last, encounter in the world of "I am pregnant and therefore strangers all think they have implied permission to communicate with me about my condition." When they start reaching for the belly the elbows are going to fly.

So, unknown little alien, heart of half my heart and half of your dad's, I am making this blog as a homage to you. Your father is also writing a daily journal and we hope to detail all the wonder, love, fear, silliness, and whatever else comes from this union of two people who love you dearly, even if right now you are just a tenacious blastocyst (which means "sprout pouch" and which cracked us up greatly). As it's said, the mighty oak was once just a tiny acorn that held its ground, and right now and for the next 9 months you and I are one in the same, and where I end and you begin is just one large circle that goes round and round.

P.S. Forgive me if you pick up on the uncertainties, or the fears that came along with the realization that my life is going to be totally different in 9 months. See, your mother is a person who is hesitant to make big choices that define definite life paths. I am also a graduate student embarking on my first full semester. So I hope you can forgive me some natural trepidation. The good news is that your father and I love and respect one another, and we have talked about you and your arrival since almost the day we met. It was like you were an invisible presence, a beautiful inevitability, since the moment we met. Also, you were conceived in a really cool place (in the Bird of Paradise room in the CreekHaven Inn in Wimberely, TX, picture below) , on a night when your father took me into his arms, stroked my hair, and soothed me as I detailed my past and insecurities: he told me that I deserved all the best things in the world like warm nights and horses and that our hearts were open and tender vessels for each other's love. And while this is a stretch for a self-proclaimed agnostic, I believe that this was the night that your soul looked on, pointed its mystical finger, and chose to take part in what it was seeing.

PPS. I have a potty mouth; don't think it's OK for you to, though.

Pictures from Wimberely:

The Inn...so purty



The Culprit!


OK it kind of creeps me out that this freaky picture was watching us, um, make you...but maybe she was actually a divine mystical queen who uses her powers for good.


Carrot, Messenger God


Dizzy

And some pics of what your dad calls your "messages to us:"


Hard to see, (especially for Sprout, who is cross-eyed), but it says "Yes."


Daddy, message, cheeseballs, and video games.