Cowgirl in the sand

Hi Snork,

Thanks for the cruel joke. I am 9.5 weeks along and NOW you decide to make give me morning sickness? Not fair...I thought I was past the danger zone. There I was, cleaning the house (actually it could be the 'nesting' they speak of since I was not able to get anything clean enough and for those who know me I am not by any means a fastidious creature) and wham! Must visit toilet or something I just cleaned will be seriously in need of a second scrubdown. I can't really attribute it to what I ate--I just had a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich (yes I know that word is spelled incorrectly but I like it better that way) and brain juice (there is a Tropicana fruit drink supposedly good for the brain, hum). But I might have had a bit too much too quickly of the brain juice?

Regardless I hope this was my one token encounter with the dreaded MS. I am currently making shepherd's pie...all by my lonesome! Chris is the cook in the family but he is away in NM visiting his folks so I am left to nourish myself, you, and the animals all by meself. I figured that shepherd's pie must be good for us because it has the wholesome ingredients of cow, peas, carrots, onions, corn and shepherd. mmm. We will see if it stays down. I know that my hormone levels are going to peak for the next couple of weeks so I hope this isn't a terrible portension. I also have a bitchin' headache. Not bitchin' in a good way either, Mom (Grandma McAloon and I watched a dog show together over the phone last night and laughed about the announcers talking about the bitches and ended up discussing the uses of the word bitch).

So, events going on. The apartment leaser came by today to apologize. For the last 48 hours the siren death-knoll, air-raid of a fire alarm has been intermittently sounding at very inopportune moments. Like 2.30 am and then 6.30 am. It has been utter hell. I called and left nasty messages that included the f-bomb. I am meeting with the manager of the complex on Friday to discuss compensation for emotional damages.

So this next thing is so Texas. I shot a shotgun! 12-gauge at clay skeet. See, I went to TPWD's Expo and they have guns you can try in an effort to promote hunting. I shot an old Civil War rifle called a muzzle-loader as well, but the shotgun was by far the most memorable. It was the most difficult time to be shooting targets since it was 3 PM and the sun was right in our eyes. And I had never shot a real gun before! But I went up there and shattered 3/3 of the targets! My training guy was completely in awe of me and I swear I felt you spinning in my stomach. Sorry, that must have been loud. The shotgun is super heavy and I was super scared and the shells are about as big as my palm. I was worried about the recoil and it did indeed hurt. The weirdest part about it is that you have to rest you cheek against the gun as you look down the barrel. The skeet shoot out of this machine and you follow it a bit then aim up the lines and pull the trigger. Each of those times the intense suddenness of the shot and the recoil made me completely disoriented, like someone squeezing their eyes shut when careening out of control on ice toward a wall. But I somehow got each one. Amazing considering I had never done it before and I had deliberately selected the three most difficult targets. It was super adrenalizing and scary and I'm glad I did it. I know that I will be handy in the case of Apocalypse or social collapse in providing for our family with my super hunting skills.

Two of the most interesting parts of the day aside from this realization of my shooting prowess involved the bus ride to the expo and the kids I talked to in line. My boss wanted me to ride the bus that was complimentary service from the local mall in an effort to get the true experience of expo. This is my first experience in attending this event. So I grudgingly agreed even though it required more gas to get up and back to the shuttle than simply driving to the expo. But I am glad I did. I was surrounded by a bunch of people but I had my tunes going and I got lost in thought, watching the scenery out the window, nostalgic thinking about myself in so many situations as a younger kid on a bus, staring at the window and thinking about my future and feeling alienated but happy in my world with my thoughts and my music. It was a wonderful full circle to re-enter that feeling from a perspective of having you brewing in my belly, knowing a bit more about the tangible future of you and I and Daddy and all the possibilities of happiness that are our own choosing. I watched the birds lazily floating through the sky and I thought to myself "the next thing I see will be something directly to do with the baby." You know, kind of like those "if i make this light it will be a good day" kind of games. Well the next thing I saw was a car that passed us and it was a Taurus! This is exciting not because I love Fords (I don't) but because you are going to be a Taurus...a little stubborn bull born in May! It was so lovely and a few tears made there way down. The kid next to me asked"are you ok?" having had noticed. "Yeah, it's just a really good song," I said, motioning to my ipod. He nodded like he understood.

In line at the shotgun range there were these two boys, probably sophomores in high school since they were talking about chemistry class. At first I was kind of annoyed by them, they were talking about hunting and da da da. But we ended up conversing a bit and they gave me some tips on shooting and they were super smart and polite. They were talking about all the things they knew about chemistry and the new experiments- total nerds. One of them said "wouldn't it be cool if you could shoot the target and the bullet would go right through the middle making a hole but the rest would remain intact?" and I said "that is sort of like in the movies when they put tape on a window and then shoot it and the window remains intact aside from the hole." He agreed and we talked about how that's not scientifically sound. He then went on to talk about how neat a sheet of glass breaking looks. I asked him about the recoil and he said he was worried about that before but that it didn't hurt as bad as he thought it was going to and it was almost disappointing. He then looked sort of panicky or awkward, like I would think that was a weird thing to say. "Yeah I can see that," I said. Just an hour later I was in the same position as the little kid on the bus, connecting with someone being open.

But yeah, they discussed a lot of typical boy stuff that I think in some ways I was thinking I would dread if I you ended up being a male---violent, hyperactive, etc . But I had forgotten that every time I've been in a group of kids it's always been the boys that I ended up having the most to talk about. When teaching 6th grade it was space and video games and in preschool it was dinosaurs and science. But really it just came down to the individual kids and their imagination and curiosity that really connected me to them. I guess just because it's rare to find people who understand certain things. I've found that kids tend to understand a lot more about a lot of the things I value in life than adults do, regardless of their gender. So it was just interesting. It made me realize that I was being a bit silly compartmentalizing gender into specific roles or habits, and my wanting a girl was making things a bit more two dimensional than they are. You are going to be you and we will experience the world and wonder together. I can't wait to meet you regardless of what you're packing between the legs.

So some pictures and video, there is a backlog:


ACL. Not sure if you can see any huge clouds of pot, but they all wafted straight toward me.


Chris has been gone for a week :( Miette protested and packed her in his suitcase. On the left you see Dad's hairy leg.


Bus to expo. I think this bus seat pattern is the same pattern buses had 15 years ago.


Best outfit ever on this man, who matches the portapotty.


Yah...um..Sprout is really trying to dominate the house now. He got up there himself despite his handicap of cross eyes!

It is not allowing me to upload video right now. I will try again later.

Mwah,

Mum